Limitations

The dirt keeps gathering in the apartment
now empty and waiting for new voices to fill it
I try hard to keep it clean

There are your toenails near the toilet
discarded and lost
cut loose maybe weeks ago or maybe yesterday
and some hair that may or may not be mine

I want fire to take me into its arms,
burn away the residue hanging around
this sad aura

I want to moan like it's the first time
Consumed by my childishness,
my foolishness,
standing there to face my limitations
and hating every moment

short stories have sad endings

I can see you leaving,
Joining a long line of those who have left-
It seems, these days,
I know the backs of heads most intimately
And I know myself as
The body,
The fist,
Desperately clenching-
Laughing and smiling and crying
Through a cloud of cigarette smoke
That continues to mask how sad I really am
At losing everything.

Monday Night

Foucault would smile to see the capitalist's brains strewn about a white canvass and think,
"maybe he's not so myopic after all."

And we've all thought of killing, once... or twice.
Gritting, hard, teeth clenched, tightening the cord-
An intimate, phallic dance with life
(The Aztecs didn't think subjugation, they thought pay homage to the Gods with blood)

But now I wish you'd blow my brains with your cigarette smoke.
Let the blue stars light up a white, night sky
and all the smoke
and all the smoke
Be blown like kisses.

Tide

The violin is propped against the wall
silent and hoping
to feel soft fingers
dance across its strings
again

The dark wood was
left like an open wound
bleeding and needing repair

I feel my back bend
mimicking the violin's
hunched form

I just want to feel the
solid wall against my
chaotic parts

It feels like I might
fall a thousand feet into water
wading in the froth
and turning like a stick

under water
the current would
move my hands,
my legs
like a marionette

While I'd think
what is this
tide that pulls me
and why

Oven

State of the art
is how the manual described it.
Honestly, I don't even know what that means.
I haven't really seen a lot of ovens,
I haven't really seen a lot period.
Once when I was bored
I sat in front of my oven
and pretended there was an ocean inside
with a thousand fish
swimming in every direction
I imagined them every shade of blue and green
that an ocean could contain.
I laughed out loud.
My laugh echoed,
hitting every pot and pan in my
empty kitchen
Frightened,
my fish faded and I returned
to cutting carrots.

Television

I found my TV in a giant warehouse that had a
catchy name like Circuit City
Walking down the isles made me nauseous
It was like a thousand robots talking at me
I felt like I was on a space ship
I just kept nodding my head until the salesman
put a box in my hand.
I put it right in front of my bed,
turned it on,
and waited to be entertained
Disappointment won
and I fell asleep to man made snow
packaged in a pretty box.

The Perm

When I was four
my mom permed her hair

my sister and I were so terrified
we threatened to never
speak to her
again if she didn't change back

But it was a change that couldn't be undone
she explained

My sister whispered softly to me
"I think she might be an enemy"
and I believed her.

Fate

You had beaten all the life out of those
sad drums
and exhausted the fountain of youth
with all its naivety

Your heart helped
string up all the rain clouds
they'll take with them when they go
(I don't want this life anymore)

Walking a tight rope between
Two torn hearts
the path is too tumultuous
the wind will tear it all down

Truth is a forceful lover that won't take no for an answer...

They had all taken the parts of you they wanted
and they came back
back for more

I wish that I could say love had torn it all apart
but it wasn't
it was an ignited umbilical cord
that caught up and slowed us down

you can't keep time with chaos